Cheers to friendship

I've been lucky this year to reunite and spend time with several friends from various phases of life - school, college and more. When I've had similar re-connects in past years I had wondered at how easy it was to 'fall back' into the same depth of friendship I experienced with certain people even though we had not met or spoken for years. 

So what is it that makes some friends closer than others? 

The answer to this like most of life's important questions is - 'it depends'. It depends on what type of person you are - are you someone that thrives on emotional connection, intellectual stimulation, shared adventure etc.

For me, it's the relationships where I feel I can be myself without sensing judgement. It's the relationships where I am understood, not pitied on. It's about feeling safe enough with someone to be vulnerable, and opening up to them knowing they will enable and challenge you to be stronger and better. It's about being able to count on them for being part of your best and worst times in life - without needing you to tell them which is when. It's about benefiting from one's intellect and perspective when you cannot solve a problem yourself. And so much more that I can't articulate in words. But a very important foundation for a strong friendship, in my opinion, is this - they form between people who are able to fulfill these needs for each other and exchange places in who's giving or receiving. Essentially a mutual dependency is critical.  

My strongest memories of friendships in past and recent years range from one showing up to welcome my new born baby, one advising me not to ditch a challenging job because they believed I was smart enough to work through and thrive, one for being on the other end of a phone whenever they were needed no matter the time of the day and the year of our lives, one being caring enough to think of me and check on me even in their not-so-easy days and so many more. But these are also friends that I have some of my most fun memories with. Celebrating turning forty, being parents, endless talks into middle of the night over the years. 

I look up to these friends with respect, love, and with a commitment that I will be there for them should they ever need me. And I know they know it too. 

Here's wishing you true friendships in the new year and in life ! 

A revisited perspective

 

I learnt about the philosophy of kintsugi earlier this year. The message of this phislopshy is that no matter the damage or imperfections in something, you don't throw it away.  You repair it, seal its blemishes with care and love and cherish it in whole. 

At first it resonated with me, and then for a while it did not. :)

But last weekend, I watched Inside Out 2...and I noticed a variation of kintsugi in the message of the movie. The movie deals with the anxiety and growing pains of transitioning from a kid to a teenager/young adult. It shows how the psyche tries to hide painful experiences, protecting us and hoping that it will keep us stronger and feeling good about ourselves. At the end, due reconciliation comes and we realize how accepting both bad and good experiences will bring out the best in a person. 

In life, we talk about inclusion at work, in society and all places in between, but we rarely talk about inclusion of the self i.e. accepting both your good and bad sides. Being kind to yourself about the short comings you have is the first step towards accepting others' shortcomings. First, be at peace with yourself and then your peace will shine on others and show them kindness.

As I apply kintsugi to myself and outwards to my relationships in life, I appreciate how the Japanese philosophies are simple, yet powerful. Just like the movie Inside Out ( both 1 and 2) itself. In case you haven't watched it, check it out!  

Art is not a luxury, sometimes it's sustenance

 

Unknowingly and without any plans I started writing poems a few years ago. I like to think that the habit evolved from my old habit of writing. 

Lately I've been writing more - mostly about how I feel, what I'm thinking etc. One day a few weeks ago I came across this talk by actor Ethan Hawke. He says something at the 2:00 minutes mark of the talk - about how you connect with art when someone somewhere has written, sung or acted the same things you may be going through or you may be trying to make sense of. Bingo! It resonated with me so much ! It's when you come across these art forms and connect with it that you don't feel alone in that feeling anymore. It's could be a shared joy, shared excitement, shared bewilderment, or shared melancholy. But you find that one thing that helps you make sense and then it becomes your sustenance and you appreciate art so much more! 

I ended up watching the entire talk today and loved it. 

Here's to the spirit of finding yourself, and feeling those feelings and expressing them - cheers ! 

P.S. When I see this talk, he feels like an extension of his character in the Before movie series - loved him in those ! Such a natural. 

Recap of the year so far

When I look back on the first post from this year it's clear that I started 2024 with tremendous optimism. I had a feeeling it would be an year I would look back on and cherish. Something in the air just felt ...exciting.  

Now almost mid-way through, I can say I am still looking at it with optimism. But this optimism is more to propel myself and come out of what has been probabaly a very challenging time.

Unexpecetedly early in the year, I went down a path hoping for a peaceful end to a rocky journey that stretched for a decade and a half. At the beginning, the path did feel green and peaceful and promised me the destination I set out to find. But towards the end I had to face unexpected things, thanks to fate. I set out to fight the problem and emerge out of it happy, and possibly make others happy in the process...but that did not happen. Not everything is a one woaman show - sometimes you need a partner, or a team. And if they are not on the same page as you the destination would never be reached, even worser you'd realize you are on the wrong route. 

When I look back at the past few months I know I gave it my best shot. There were things I never though I would have to go through, but I went through them and I tried to make the best of it. I had the guts to fight for what was fair, but it did not work out. But I am at peace knowing that I gave it my best. 

I had the confidence that I would make things agreeable for those involved and not cause long term damage to anyone. But not everyone had that trust in me. So I decided to give up what was supposed to be journey of a lifetime. And in the process I brought back peace, hopefully to everyone. For what good is a win if it comes at the loss of everyone around you? Sometimes you gotta take one for the team :). One thing I realized was this >> I don't deserve to stick to a team that asks me to take punches simply beacuse it thinks I am strong enough and because I had done it once before. So, I have seperated myself from it now. It wasn't easy and still has me going through the motions and after effects, but it was needed to be done. 

I've worked hard throughout my life, unintentionally...not deliberatly, on keeping healthy realtionships around me that are now a strong support system for me. So thanks to them and my own self, I will survive, again....

Random thoughts on a Friday in May

Recently, a friend shared the write-up below. Funny enough when I read this, some of these characteristics remind me of myself - so yes, I  should hang on to myself and I hope to keep the things I'm proud of, in myself.

If we don't listen to our voice, who else will.   

Saturday morning musings

In the beautifully made movie 'Mitr, my friend' the lead actress Shobhana tells her virtual friend that one of the things she likes to do is to drive up the freeway in full speed alone in the car. That idea fascinated me as a young 20yr old girl in India, without a car, surrounded by slow moving traffic and always dependent on someone or something for transportation.

Now, years after I started driving in the West and Southwest US..with wide, open roads and beautiful landscapes around, I relate to what she said. That feeling I get when I drive myself on the road, while playing the music of my choice, something loud...but fun and melodious, and when let my mind think through stuff in my head...with wind from the open windows messing my hair up ....I just love that feeling! Writing this post after one such drive on an early Saturday morning...

2023 in retrospect

Calling this post retrospective maybe a bit pre-mature. After all, 2023 ended just a few hours ago. Maybe this is more of a summary of highlights. 

I'll remember this year as the one where I got out of the comfort zone - both personally and professionally. It's the year I stopped taking things for granted and pushed myself to make an effort. Made an attempt to stress less - and mostly succeeded. This has been a year of some humbling moments as well as one of adventures. I balanced my strength with some vulnerability and in most cases it's given me peace. I've been more conscious of what I am doing to my health - physcial and mental. And have taken steps to make changes where I could. It's also the year I continued my path to establishing, and re-establishing, connections with dear ones - both at home and away. 

Maybe this had more to do with being a newly turned 40-yr old? Or the fact that I'm finally getting back control of my time. Whatever it is, it's welcome! There's more work to be done though - and that's what the new year is for afterall. Here's hoping to better myself a little bit more this year. 

Ending this with a succinct, yet comprehensive new year message I came across - hope all of these and more come true for you this new year !